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Connecticut
A northeastern state that most people had forgotten existed until the recent political season, when it hosted a highly contested Democratic primary between incumbent Senator and George W. Bush-supporter Joe Lieberman and upstart businessman Ned Lamont. Lamont, starting way behind in the polls, surged in the final two months before the August primary, in part due to accepting his invitation to appear on The Colbert Report while Joe Lieberman refused his. Besides the usual Democratic Party, Republican Party, Green Party, and the like, it now hosts the nation's only one-person political party, Connecticut for Lieberman, a party started by Lieberman to nominate him after his primary defeat. He won the Connecticut for Lieberman primary with 100% of the vote, 1-0, saying that would bring back the Joementum. The party continues to struggle against the "Connecticut for Nader" party, started by Ralph Nader. Some people say that George W. Bush was born in New Haven Connecticut, but this is a factonistas conspiracy. We all know that George W. Bush is a beautiful Republican from Texas. Connecticut is one of the C states, along with California and Colorado. Out of all the C states, Connecticut is the smallest and least populated, but it has the most population density out of the 3 C states. But because of gay bear loving New Yorkers invading Connecticut, population there is dropping. Discovery Connecticut was accidentally discovered when citizens of Massachusetts decided that the world did not end at the southern boundary and that there was a whole land waiting to become a state. The explorers Lewis the Clark and his trusty right hand man Samuel Adams -12 (the negative twelfth) explored the deserts and jungles of the land and by June 1st 1899 they fully founded the state. First called Massachusetts II it later became Connecticut when the etiquette of cons was used as the bases of government after the state suffered an internal revolution. History In 1979 aka. Stardate 1965.4, with assistance from the starship NCC-1701-E Enterprise, the state of Connecticut valiantly defeated the Borg Collective in what came to be known as the Battle for Intergalactic Independence, with aid from Shamus McBlackbeard IV, from Rigel 7. Connecticut narrowly escaped defeat by using it's resources of Nutmeg, Submarines, and honorable authors of the constitution. In the war's aftermath, Southeastern Connecticut broke out into song and dance in honor of the defeat of the intergalactic foes. The song itself would later be known as the theme for Oscar Meyer Weiners. Achieving Statehood Statehood was gained by a man named P.T. Barnum and his incredible circus crew. A brawl started one lonesome evening in the hills of Fairfield whenst one yon member of yon tumultuous circus sayeth unto thon party "Yon shalt not beith on yon yonder?" He did not know what he was saying, nor did anyone else, so they ignored him and moved on to the bigger things. He is still frozen at the bottom of Candlewood Lake. Where a man by the name of Herbert Shawfield was first to make the moist towelet by accidentily getting his normally dry towelet damp. Connecticut Today In today's modern world, Connecticut finds itself behind the 8-Ball under the brutal Liberal Bear Alliance dictatorship. With many advances in technology, such as the stone wheel and the elephant, there is still much to be learned from mistakes in the past, such as the Great Fire at the Honey Factory in 1345, where 25,000 brave bumble bees were lost. However there is still hope for those sufffering under the Liberal Bear Alliance. The group known only as the SSSS (The Super Secret Society of Secrets) fights to overthrow the bears and their liberal allies. Currently trying to conntact the Bear Hunters of America, the allience hopes to free their beloved state once and for all. Connecticut Landmarks Connecticut has 3 pizza restaurants for every 1 citizen. Connecticut is also the home of world famous ESPN in Bristol, but they're trying like hell to leave. Hartford is home to the first ever crackhouse est. 1982 still standing at 143 Saint Monicas Ave. Hartford is home to Bushnell Park, where you can always score the best Coke, crack, heroin, and even some descent pot. Bridgeport is home to the "ugliest brothel this side of the Missip." located at 253 East Main St. Famous Connecticans * Greatest President George W. Bush (1946 - ), Born in New Haven, Connecticut on July 6, 1946. * Benedict Arnold (1741 - 1801) A captain of the Colonial Army turned British spy. He is famous for burning down the town of New London; since then, his name has meant “traitor;” born in Norwich. * Phineas T. Barnum (1810 - 1891) One founder of the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus; born in Bethel. * Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) (1835 - 1910) Author of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn; lived in Hartford. * Ethan Allan (1738 - 1789) American Revolutionary soldier; Born in Litchfield. * Dorothy Hamill (1956 - ) Olympic gold medallist and professional ice skater with the Ice Capades; grew up in Riverside. * Samuel Colt (1814 - 1862) Inventor and founder of the Colt firearm company; born in Hartford. * Nathan Hale (1755 -1776) A martyr soldier of the American Revolution; born in Coventry. * Katharine Hepburn (1907 - 2003 ) Famous actress who won four Academy Awards for best actress; born in Hartford. * Mary Kies, The first woman to receive a US patent, received on May 15th, 1809 for a method of weaving straw with silk; from South Killingly. * Harriet Beecher Stowe (1811 - 1896) Author of Uncle Tom’s Cabin; born in Litchfield. * Noah Webster (1758 - 1843) Author of the first dictionary published in 1807; from West Hartford. * Charles Goodyear (1800 - 1860) Inventor of vulcanized rubber; born in New Haven. * Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. (1908 - 1972) Congressman; born in New Haven. * Ella Grasso (1919 - 1981) The first woman to be elected governor of a state; born in Windsor Locks. A Typical Day in Connecticut Sharing dank memes and pwning Jews. External Links Charitable Organizations in